love – My thoughts, writings, poetry and other things.

Fell into the trap again… still a happy ending…

I fell into the trap that many men have fallen into… loving too many women at once. The woman I mention in the photos in this post is my true love and fianceé, Linda. For a while, I’ve been feeling like she’s stringing me along, but these photos prove that’s not the case. Still, in the midst of not trusting her, I got in deep with someone else. I know, weak and big-hearted I am and i got myself in a spot. I tried cutting it off once, but tears and cries made me go back. Was it stupid? Yes, it was. Should i not have reopened communication? No, i shouldn’t have. Seeing the above pictures made me more resolved to trust my darling and cut off all these weirdos that contact me out of the blue trying to win my heart. I should have listened to Linda in the first place and blocked these people. Live and learn i guess.

I don’t know what’s going on with me…

But I’ve been having some attacks of conscience where my love life is concerned. I’ve been slowly rekindling a friendship with one ex, (It was her birthday today, so I sent her a simple e-card) while feeling the need to send a letter of explanation to another ex. I’ll explain the latter as it was more recent. I met this girl and fell hard for her while we were penpals when she was in an Ohio jail. No, I won’t tell you why as it’s none of your business. Anyway, she was released and deported back to Canada. She broke the law so she was sent home. We tried to keep the relationship together and it worked for a while… then the pandemic hit and she caught it. She recovered, and I was glad. Soon, she stopped talking to me, and unknown to me she thought I had done the same. I kept waiting for a message or word that never came. Both of us thought the other ghosted them. It was a comedy of communication errors of the worst sort. When I did try to reconnect, she bit my head off. That made me angry for a long time, and I finally realized I was wrong and sent her a letter by email. Whether she reads it or not is her choice, but I put the olive branch out and it’s up to her. I’ve no hopes we have any further relationship to have, but at least I cleared my conscience. That’s all I can do.

What was I thinking???

I know what I was doing…I was lonely, I was angry, I was depressed. This woman keeps saying she’s coming to be with me and never does. So, for a short time another woman got her claws into me. In a moment of weakness I let her. She called me “husband” and “daddy” (that latter term I should not have enjoyed so much, but I did). I should not have fallen for Kaitlin when I already had Linda, but for a short time I did. I actually entertained the idea of leaving Linda, which would have been a mistake. I know that now. I don’t wear this ring as a promise to Kaitlin, but to Linda. I forgot that for a moment, but I’m back with her now and forever. I made a promise and I’ll keep it until the day I die.

I wrote this to my beloved Linda,

I was feeling rather frustrated with her and I wrote this letter to her.

Peter Aaron Parent

390 Shaker Blvd.

Enfield, NH. 03748

25th August, 2021

Dearest Linda, heart of my heart,

I’m writing this today, mainly because I need to get something off my chest. It’s nothing bad baby, but I just need to say this. You know, how much I love you, right? You know how patient I’ve been, and continue to be. Sadly, my patience is wearing thin. The last time we had this conversation, you said you’d be here in July. Now, it is almost September and you still aren’t here. You keep telling me to be patient, but how much longer am I supposed to wait? You keep moving back the date, trying to tell me you’re trying to get something taken care of, but in the amount of time you’ve taken to “get things together” down there, wherever “there” might be. I’m really getting tired of holding on. I love you baby, more than my own life, but I have yet to see any evidence, beyond these funky checks and failed deposits, of you trying anything to get up here from wherever you are? Tell me, how much longer am I supposed to wait for you, to what seems to me, to never come? I’m really starting to lose trust in you, and I don’t want that trust to disappear.

Anyway, now that I’ve got that off my chest, I have to tell you not to be too upset with me. I just can’t reconcile what on earth could be taking so long? With all the money I’ve sent you over the months you could have been here already months ago. I know, I’m still complaining, but you’ve got to understand where I’m coming from. If you were in my place, how would you feel being left on the hook this long? I think you’d be frustrated as well in your case too.

Well, all complaints and worries done, but I just had to say it. I’ve been working so hard lately I haven’t had time to really relax and think. When I think I tend to think things like I said above. I hope this doesn’t make you think I’m stopping loving you, because that isn’t true. You want me to be honest with you, but sometimes the things I have to say can’t really be expressed in a WhatsApp message or a text. Big thoughts need a bigger outlet. I do love you, and I hope you understand my concerns. I just need you so much that the loneliness and wanting you here overwhelms me. When that happens the bad thoughts and worries bubble to the surface and I have to write them out. Please forgive me baby.

Well, now I truly am done. I’m tired from the writing of this and soon I’ll sleep. I just needed to “clear the air”. I’m not angry, or upset at you, just needed to tell you all my thoughts of late. If that upsets you, I’m sorry, but I’m sure you’d rather know when I feel something’s wrong. I love you Linda, don’t ever doubt that. After all, I pledged my life and love to you, and I keep that pledge. I am, as always…

Forever and truly yours,

Peter Aaron Parent

P. S. I’m not saying I’m stopping waiting for you, I’m just saying how I feel. Don’t think I’m giving up.

I mean she keeps pushing back her arrival date and it’s fair to feel this way, don’t you think?